Phileosophie

I went for a walk at Centennial Park today to clear my mind after hearing about the things I talked about in my previous entry. As I strolled along the perimeter pathway I thought about how lovely the park was and how lucky we were to live in a place like Sydney. I have often felt that although relationships were what made life quite meaningful, ironically it was often people that sullied my experience in beautiful cities like Sydney. A harsh word, rejection, bad news or sometimes just loneliness has the capacity to dull our happiness. It occured to me however, that this is a fact of life that will never change. People will always let us down, and perhaps 28 years has started to soften the blow. I thought about the various things that people have said about each other within my extended family - you are either too dirty, or too strict, or too extravagant or too cheap. But we are still family. And amongst friends, we are all still friends. If not friends and family then what else do we

It appears that I only post when there are things I need to get off my chest. It is not that my life is as negative as it may seem. If you look at the periods between the posts - those are the times when the day to day is taking place. Nothing too bad, nothing to good. And those are the times when the Very Goods happen too, but often it is better just to experience the good times with friends. You could say that in general I keep records of the bad times and memories of the good ones. So today I heard from someone that one of my relatives weren't too pleased with me and I gather that this is for two reasons. First, she didn't think I kept the house clean enough and second, she thought I wasn't thrifty. It really saddened me because her response to these things was essentially to stop talking to me, with the exception of a few moments when I call her. I have felt for a while that something was up but could not really figure out why I felt she was unhappy with me. It sadden

I don't think I am much suited to the work of a junior doctor. I hate working under administrators who don't know what it is like on the ground. It is so easy to redirect doctors from one team to another, no one is keeping score to check when a doctor becomes over-worked, or if one team is doing more than another because one of them isn't playing 'the game'. I try not to keep patients in hospital longer than they should stay because it isn't good for the patients and it is a waste of the health dollar, but it seems like the more efficient I am, and the more patients get churned through, the more work gets dumped on me because it appears that my workload is lighter (when the patients are no longer inpatients). I hate working with 'hospitalists' whose job it is to help with 'difficult' patients and to try and clear bed spaces. They come to junior doctors, who have little say in a patient's management and repeatedly offer lectures on how we sh

Picking up the pieces. The reality of what I have lost is sinking in. I can only trust that God has a better plan. I have begun to wonder if the choice was truly a matter of God vs Roberto. Perhaps I was too hasty, and perhaps I could have had both. But I believe it is rather too late now. I only hope that no one will be 'relieved' that I am no longer dating Roberto. I can't think of a better man.

This is a dynamic piece and will change as I learn more about this procedure. The latest project I am working on is about hybrid coronary revascularization, a procedure I learnt about thanks to my work with KP. It is a novel concept that I am very interested in and combines the skills of both the interventionalist and the cardiothoracic surgeon. Off-pump CABG (LIMA to LAD) is performed via a mini-sternotomy (small anterior thoracotomy incisions) rather than the standard thoracotomy that would be used in a traditional CABG. The procedure is performed with the help of a robot, similar to laparoscopic surgery in other fields. However, the lack of a large incision makes it difficult to access the posterior and lateral aspects of the heart and as such, complete revascularisation will not be possible using this minimally invasive procedure, particularly with the RCA and LCx. As such, non-LAD stenoses are revascularised using PCI and drug eluting stents. This has the added benefit of a

I feel bad. Today I told a friend that I had been short listed for two of the three hospitals I interviewed at. I told him because a part of my ego was getting kinda hurt by his constant talk of how amazing this person and that person was and indirectly how mediocre I was. I have been made to feel mediocre by many of my peers in Australia for quite a number of years. Perhaps that is how they really see me (perhaps that is what I am) but it is a far cry from how I felt and was made to feel of myself in Singapore. But I feel bad because what I did, was done out of pride. I did it as a not so subtle boast because my ego got bruised. I didn't do it to build anyone up at all. James 4:6 says 6 ...  That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud      but shows favor to the humble.” [ a ] At the end of the day, it shouldn't matter how others see me. All that matters is how God sees me. In fact, the less Man sees in me the better, because then my achievements will i

It is the 9th of September 2014 and I thought it was time for an update. I am going through a relatively peaceful period of life right now. My investment unit has been rented out and appears to be sorting itself out as far as mortgages go. My job applications are done. I've received promising feedback and expect to be offered a position back at my alma mater which is great. I am currently completing the year with two general medicine terms in a little rural hospital in northern NSW and so far it has been pretty cruisy and enjoyable. I have recently moved back into staff quarters as renting a room was too stressful - dealing with people who are 'different' can be difficult and not what I want to have as part of my private life. The only stressor of note are the research projects that I am trying to complete so that I do not have too much on my plate, going forward into 2015. I am hoping to clean the slate as much as possible, to give myself space to do well in the next two

On the drive home today, I listened to No Other Name by Hillsong's worship band. These days I find that I need to meditate on the lyrics of those songs for courage, strength, refuge and solace. I find that I cannot escape the pressures of my world. I cannot escape the fact that I don't always find my work interesting or that I have to deal with difficult housemates, friends and occassionally relatives. Having to put up with not knowing where I will be in the coming year, or if I would have a job at all, is also tough. I felt tired and somewhat disappointed with what I saw as my struggles. As I continued to allow the songs to minister to me, I reflected on the song-writers at Hillsong church. Many of them have shared about their personal struggles over the years. Darlene has just gone through radio- and chemotherapy to treat breast cancer. Joel spoke of going through depression. Michael Guglielmucci who wrote "Healer", lied about having cancer to cover up an addic

One day I hope it will be said of me that I had a "scientific curiosity and a persistent desire and ability to make progress by creating change, by discovering the unknown, by improving the known and by inventing what [she] thought would be useful".

It's been a really crazy week. I've just made my first property investment - a little two bedder in a lovely part of town. The location is marvellous - it is near to an amazing park and to a university and multiple city hospitals. I almost didn't get it - the vendors tried to bring up the price on me at the last minute but I thank God for grace and for the wisdom not to cave. I would have walked away, and I got the apartment in the end. So what can I say about 2014 - half a year has passed and it has been lovely being back in NSW but there have been some difficulties. I am getting increasingly bored and tired with my work - I've heard though that this is the case with the resident year - we are neither registrars, nor interns, so the learning curve isn't quite as steep and our medical lives aren't quite as interesting. I'm excited about starting physicians training next year and about that phase of my life. If it doesn't pan out however, and I will k

Sometimes people talk about the desire that God places in your heart for what is good, or what is His will for your life. The greatest desire in my heart right now is to go to Palo Alto (New York being second place at this point). My heart's desire is to go on an adventure, and do something meaningful like join Mercy Ships or embark on some self seeking journey. But I am afraid of letting go of all I have in Sydney, and at the same time, I am fearful that if I do not let go I will be pretty old by the time I finally figure out and find that which is my heart's true desire and maybe by then it would be too late for me to truly reap the rewards. It's good that I've ended up on the Central Coast this year. It is close enough to Sydney to allow semi-frequent trips to a city that inspires me more than Launceston but at the same time is remote enough to allow me remain at a slower pace which in turn allows me to think a bit more and focus on things like relationships and di