Relations
It appears that I only post when there are things I need to get off my chest. It is not that my life is as negative as it may seem. If you look at the periods between the posts - those are the times when the day to day is taking place. Nothing too bad, nothing to good. And those are the times when the Very Goods happen too, but often it is better just to experience the good times with friends. You could say that in general I keep records of the bad times and memories of the good ones.
So today I heard from someone that one of my relatives weren't too pleased with me and I gather that this is for two reasons. First, she didn't think I kept the house clean enough and second, she thought I wasn't thrifty. It really saddened me because her response to these things was essentially to stop talking to me, with the exception of a few moments when I call her. I have felt for a while that something was up but could not really figure out why I felt she was unhappy with me. It saddens me because I do not have many relatives in the country I am currently living in, and I've tried to maintain relationships with my relatives but they do not always make it easy.
When I am in her city, I occassionally ask to stay with her, instead of with my friends. The reason I do this is because there isn't any other way to keep in touch with her and my cousins. But I feel that she simply sees it as me mooching off her hospitality. I could just keep away, because I often feel like an unwanted guest, but given how infrequently this happens, if I cut down the number of times I ask to stay over, I will not have a relationship with my cousins at all. I have tried simply inviting them out, but they do not like going out (for a movie or a meal) and I have tried 'bonding' with my aunt by showing her things I've bought but the news on the grapevine is that she has been saying I am extravagant. I recently contemplated inviting her out horseriding with me, but I fear that if I do it will be another reason for her to be upset.
You may wonder why I bother. I have done this for other relatives too (one complained when I sent a bottle of champagne and lilies for christmas because the card fell off and she thought the store had sent them and charged her for them!!). I continue to send christmas cards every year. I continue to try and maintain bridges because having left home when I was 14 I know how special it is to have relatives. People who, like it or not, are stuck with you through bonds of blood, for life. People who don't come and go. And people who (are supposed to) have a vested interest in your life.
I don't know if I will ever have smooth, peaceful relationships with my extended family. I hope that one day they will find it in themselves to let go of the past and of whatever is hurting them and holding them back. Till then I will simply potter on. Maintain a bridge, even if it is simply an uncomfortable, ricketty one and hope that one day, they will decide to move on.
So today I heard from someone that one of my relatives weren't too pleased with me and I gather that this is for two reasons. First, she didn't think I kept the house clean enough and second, she thought I wasn't thrifty. It really saddened me because her response to these things was essentially to stop talking to me, with the exception of a few moments when I call her. I have felt for a while that something was up but could not really figure out why I felt she was unhappy with me. It saddens me because I do not have many relatives in the country I am currently living in, and I've tried to maintain relationships with my relatives but they do not always make it easy.
When I am in her city, I occassionally ask to stay with her, instead of with my friends. The reason I do this is because there isn't any other way to keep in touch with her and my cousins. But I feel that she simply sees it as me mooching off her hospitality. I could just keep away, because I often feel like an unwanted guest, but given how infrequently this happens, if I cut down the number of times I ask to stay over, I will not have a relationship with my cousins at all. I have tried simply inviting them out, but they do not like going out (for a movie or a meal) and I have tried 'bonding' with my aunt by showing her things I've bought but the news on the grapevine is that she has been saying I am extravagant. I recently contemplated inviting her out horseriding with me, but I fear that if I do it will be another reason for her to be upset.
You may wonder why I bother. I have done this for other relatives too (one complained when I sent a bottle of champagne and lilies for christmas because the card fell off and she thought the store had sent them and charged her for them!!). I continue to send christmas cards every year. I continue to try and maintain bridges because having left home when I was 14 I know how special it is to have relatives. People who, like it or not, are stuck with you through bonds of blood, for life. People who don't come and go. And people who (are supposed to) have a vested interest in your life.
I don't know if I will ever have smooth, peaceful relationships with my extended family. I hope that one day they will find it in themselves to let go of the past and of whatever is hurting them and holding them back. Till then I will simply potter on. Maintain a bridge, even if it is simply an uncomfortable, ricketty one and hope that one day, they will decide to move on.
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