Phileosophie

It's been about 3 years since the internship situation started. My life is settling back into a cheerful rhythm and I've recently worked some things out that have been dragging on for a while. I guess at this point what I really want to say is: God, Thank you for staying around when I was bitter Thank you for being there when I was feeling sorry for myself Thank you for not making me feel sorry when I challenged you to perform miracles Thank you for allowing me to grow, even if just a little Please give me eyes to see things fresh and new Give me a heart that is filled with peace Give me the wisdom to work through the tangles Guide my attention to what really matters Help me to see others as you see them Help me reflect something of your love for humanity Give me perserverance to walk the path I have before me Let me find rest and joy in your presence. And now, here's a little clip by Victor King and Andrew Garcia . Good men.  

I would so much rather be working the day shift this week. Three of my favourite medical students are on the ward during the day. Instead, I am stuck doing nights with someone who has been making it a point to make my life a little nastier whenever he sees me. I'm not talking about my own reg, just someone I have the misfortune of having to refer patients to. We did a term together some time back. It was all going swimmingly. In fact, I'd noticed that he was texting me at odd times, like when I was on holiday to ask if I was having fun or to say hello and stuff. He was always also inviting me out for dinner which I didn't put too much thought into because he has a long term girlfriend back in his country of origin. But on the last day of my term, something really strange happened. He started yelling at me and threatening me, saying that I had pointed at his face and thereby (going by his culture) had cursed his parents. Another registrar was in the room, an Aussie bloke

This is a short clip I shot of Mahon Pool which is behind my house in Sydney. I love coming here because it is such a wonderful place (imagine it with a little breeze and the smell of salt water).. it wasn't actually as overcast as the video makes it seem, and the thundering you might hear is actually the sea roaring as it surges to the shore. God has been good to me. I am ever thankful for the opportunity to live my life in Sydney.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." -Hebrews 12:11

It has been a good year. I have had some time to think about where my life is heading and where I want it to go. Today someone sent me this question:  " If you could do absolutely anything you wanted, regardless of money, stability, or anything else.. what would it be? " After giving it some thought, I'd say I want to volunteer. I want to help those who do not have access to help. I want to offer hope to the disadvantaged. I want to make the world a better place. I want to contribute to cardiology. I want to help it advance as a field. I want to meet people from all walks of life. I want to learn from them. I want to hear about their lives. I want to find purpose in mine. I want to make a difference. Of late, I've had Cambodia on my heart. I have never been there, but I've been hearing a lot about it from friends who have. I want to go there and see this place for myself. And to give something to this community. I want to love them, and gain some perspective.

Today was one of those days when it just feels amazing to be a doctor. I had my first peritonitic abdomen and immediately requested consultant assistance and a surgical review. The patient was seen by the surg reg within 10 minutes of arriving at the hospital! Those of you who have spent time in an ED waiting room will know that's pretty awesome. All my patients thanked me today - all told me I'd helped them and my bosses seemed happy too. It feels great when your medical training seems to finally be producing good results. Left work feeling quite elated. (Also did my first speculum exam as a doctor today!!! Heaps fun. Last time I did it was on a practice patient who did not require an exam so it was awesome to do it for realsies this time.)

This trial was ongoing when I was a student at Mount Sinai Heart. Interesting results showing that CABG has superior results to PCI for diabetic patients with multivessel coronary artery disease.

I've been trying to pick up all the patients who've come into our ED with atrial fibrillation because I am trying to get a better grasp of this condition. Found this interview by my favourite cardiologist that addresses the topic of how to deal with this condition.

Interview with Dr Valentin Fuster at the Basic Cardiovascular Sciences 2012 Scientific Sessions .

I periodically look for interviews with Dr Fuster on YouTube because he really inspires me. The 4Ts he talks about here is what he tells all his fellows at Mount Sinai Heart. Jose was telling me all about this during my time in New York. I hope that by the time I am a cardiology trainee Dr Fuster will still be working so hopefully I will get to work with him again! I think this man is just wonderful because if there is anybody in the world who embodies cardiology, it's him, and I love cardiology. I want to know everything about cardiology. So I look at Fuster and am in awe coz one day I want to be like him. As good as him. And even perhaps, better! 1) Time to reflect - to always think about where you are heading 2) Talent to discover - to do what you have talent in 3) Transmit positivity - don't waste time on negativity 4) Tutoring - to find a good mentor

I went over all the notes I have written here since I moved to Tasmania. I don't know if I seem very downcast about it all still but I am not any longer. I have been enjoying myself particularly in the past month or two, meeting many lovely people, who as a whole have been sooo much more interesting and friendly and open than people are in Sydney. I always had my small group of friends in Sydney (who I love dearly), though they are much busier than my new friends here and much less inclined to just live life because everyone is racing up some ladder or another. So there have been some good times. In particular, I will say this for posterity - the men are fabulous. They were gorgeous, and incredibly charming, a significant proportion are ripped and they can all be very irresistable when they decide to turn on the charm. I am always mind blown by the fact that we can find attractive men anywhere. haha have definitely been enjoying that aspect of life here.

A few weeks ago my perfectionistic tendencies got the better of me. I had been teaching medical students for a few weeks and had recently changed over to my second batch of medkids when I had the misfortune of giving what I felt was a Really Horrible Tutorial. A few factors had come into play that week - the lack of familiarity with the new students, the class size which had doubled due to the first series being well-received, me feeling somewhat blase and uninspired and then perhaps also, the fact that I hadn't prepared at all for the session and thus wasn't in the right frame of mind to give the tutorial. Now don't get me wrong, I had the material for the session - it was the same topic I had taught countless times, I just hadn't gone through it as I normally do and generally felt quite unenthused about the session - I guess after doing it so many times it becomes a little boring. But the coincidence of all those factors meant that from the moment I stepped into the c