Phileosophie

My favourite song when I was a kid.

I read this post by Phillip Chan and I think I just might try it. I've been living on caffeine for the past 6.5 years of pre-med & medical school, opting for an extra cup when perhaps what I needed was an extra hour of sleep. It culminated over the weekend when I started wondering if I should prepare for fatal arrhythmias given the four cups of coffee I am drinking every Sunday. So I'm going to try and give up coffee for a week and we will see how that goes. I'm already taking a break from Facebook - might as well throw coffee into the ring too.

Of the many patients I have met in the lead up to my exams, two recent ones stand out to me. Both were fairly young men (relative to the usual patient population in Australia) in their late 50s and 60s who had been struck by incurable diseases. The first had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a few years prior and the other had fairly well controlled Parkinson Disease. In both cases the men told me about their disease, both speaking about how "it's going to get worse isn't it doc?" The first was bitter, the second, more accepting, but in both cases I wanted to bring comfort. I wanted to tell them it would be okay but I couldn't. I wanted to offer empathy, wanted to say that I understood because I'd been there too, but I couldn't. All I could really say was that I was sorry and that I hoped their hospital stay went well. In Australia we do not speak with patients about faith unless the patient initiates such topics but even at a non-religious level, eve

So true and so funny!

1:51 on a Sunday morning and New York City is still going!

Dr. Charlie Teo is superstar among doctors. Some people hate him (I think largely because of Australia's tall poppy syndrome) but lots of others, especially the younger ones think he's great. I've only had one tutorial with him and he's so unorthodoxed, even in his mannerisms (he swears and hates on some people in front of students). But ultimately you feel like you can trust him because he doesn't try to hide behind niceties and he doesn't seem to care about politics, or whether you like him or not. He's good at what he does, he knows it, and he isn't afraid to put it out there, even if people are going to try to knock him down. I wonder why he came back to Australia.

I've decided to post my nightmares here for posterity because in retrospect, they are so ridiculous they're kinda funny. So I have recurring nightmares about batman. I dislike that series, but I usually watch it anyway. I think it's too dark. Too violent. Too pessimistic as a whole, even if the good guy ends up winning. One of my batman-related nightmares involves me running from Santubong Beach in Sarawak to church in Kuching City. When I get to church I run to the kids room but the Penguin (one of Batman's nemeses) finds me. Another ending sees me hiding under a table at a tea party, but the Joker lifts the table cloth. In another dream I am walking downstairs from my house and I notice a little capsule (kinda like the one Superman came to Earth in) and I look in and see this old little person sitting inside. The capsule is black and doesn't move. I see a button on the wall and switch it on and that batman signal thing? It gets projected into the sky. I look out

I promise you I'm not planning to run only once a month but as you can see from my record on the right (which I keep to remind myself to run), this half of the year has been shocking. Aside from those runs I do no exercise at all, unless you count walking 500m from my car to the clinical school every other day. It's simply appalling. And I'm unbelievably hungry all the time too. I would like to think it is because of my cooking but if I say so my family might make me prove it when I see them next, which would be embarassing if I haven't actually improved. Today I put on my SKINS for the first time in August and noticed to my horror, the undeniable, not-even-hiding-it muffin top which I could have sworn wasn't there last month. I've stopped being in denial about this but yes, I think I am getting fat. :( Now it's one thing to become all anorexic about it, and trust me I love food way too much to go that way, but it's another to just not put in effort

Make It Home by Alex Wong and Rachel Platten This song describes a different side to New York than the one I normally think of. It's the side I try not to dwell on too much coz it's a frightening thought - being in a city like New York where it often feels like it's sink or swim. I deal with New York by ignoring the 'sinking' side and concentrating on just swimming.. but the song is accurate in its depiction of the city. It reminds me of Cafe Vivaldi.. a little singer-songwriter bar somewhere near Wall Street where you enter for free entertainment and a coupla apple ciders. Make It Home (Inspired by an accidental Christmas in New York one year) The lady at the gate said the flights are grounded Over sniffling kids and their parents' shouting I can hear them through the phone at the dinner table Sorry honey gotta go all your cousins are waiting Everybody said, "relax, it's just your first year" Why is California so far from here? O

I felt like procrastinating today so after eating a ridiculous amount of junk food I took out my iPad and watched Cornerstone (Hillsong's most recent album). I thought that familiarising myself with the songs, the rhythm, the instrumentation might be helpful when I next get to direct a service. Last weekend Rich told me that I had to be a story teller and that I had to go with the music or I suppose 'feel' it to make appropriate transitions. Not the easiest for someone who isn't the most artistic or emotional so I decided to try digest the songs a little and see if the DVD director had a particular formula. One hour in, I still can't find anything. I tried counting 1.2.3.4. to see if it would align with the transitions but it didn't. I tried listening for the end of sentences or stanzas/verses but it didn't match up either. It almost seemed like the transitions were happening some time before or some time after what I would have considered to be the 'cut

Today I came across an advertisement for a new hospital in Singapore. Before I left in 2005 I told a friend that I would move back if I got to live at Tanglin and work at Gleneagles, a hospital in the area. I'm pretty sure that as sweet as Gleneagles is, it is nothing compared to the new Mount Elizabeth Novena Hospital. I was actually kinda surprised to see the pictures - it's incredibly opulant for a hospital.. and as the weblog says, looks more like a hotel than anything else. I've taken the liberty to steal pictures from the advert and post them up here as a collage but please consider this a teaser and head over to kennysia.com for more information. (PS. Who in their right mind pays $12,888 for a night at hospital?!) Pictures stolen from KENNYSIA.COM

I JUST DIRECTED A HILLSONG SERVICE (TWO!!!). I am going to SHOUT this from the roof tops because while the first service was kinda rough, it HAPPENED , and certain people had to have enough FAITH in me to make that happen, and I was not EXPECTING it when I forced myself out of bed this morning. But it happened! And I'm going to get better... So GRATEFUL . (Did tha

Sometimes I just get really really really really bored. And the stuff you see here.. and really a lot of what I end up doing in these weeks (in the case of med finals, months) leading up to major exams is just the airheaded blubber that my life devolves into during a lockdown.

"If he were black, he'd be just another good guy." Isaiah Thomas. The themes of black and white are recurring and the honesty and extremes to which these athletes push their bodies are compelling. However for me the most poignant moment was at the end of Magic Johnson's career when we get to see how it impacted his relationship with Larry Bird. I never understood the hype surrounding these players. You hear heaps about them, but they don't play anymore and I rarely watch archived games. But the understanding the two men arrived at is something rare and worth watching so if you have an hour and a half, this documentry will be worth your time!

I came across an article today that was exactly what I needed at this point in my life. Here's an excerpt. You can read the rest in its original location here . Why don't successful people and organizations automatically become very successful? One important explanation is due to what I call "the clarity paradox," which can be summed up in four predictable phases: Phase 1: When we really have clarity of purpose, it leads to success. Phase 2: When we have success, it leads to more options and opportunities. Phase 3: When we have increased options and opportunities, it leads to diffused efforts. Phase 4: Diffused efforts undermine the very clarity that led to our success in the first place. Curiously, and overstating the point in order to make it, success is a catalyst for failure .

Food motivates me.. particularly during exam season when other pleasures in life result in a fair amount of guilt. Good food on the other hand - we all need that right? The healthier I am, the better I study? At least that's what I tell myself when I steal a few moments away from my computer. This approximates the salad I have in my mind! Taken from http://passionateeater.blogspot.com.au/2009/03/ka-pow-salad.html Yesterday I roasted a rosemary, lemon, butter & garlic half-chicken. I've also prepared some capsicum-dip rice to go with it but it needs a decent vegetable companion so today I figured I would try to whip up a warm salad. I haven't got a picture yet because I haven't decided how exactly I'm going to go about this but I'm thinking some fresh spinach leaves and soft boiled eggs with a hint of the Mediterranean - so some warm pickled capsicum, roasted eggplant, some fried bacon with a dressing of caramelised balsamic vinegar. I think some warm

I have noticed a definite improvement in my clinical abilities in the last month. It feels great - no where close to being ready yet (by this I mean you can enter an exam with a certainty that you will do well ) but it's very reassuring. I've been working on my NPS cases yesterday and today and am able to complete 4 or 5 cases relatively easily, especially if I've had a good sleep. Working up cases in the ED is also taking less time now - about an hour or two for complicated (acute) patients, as opposed to the 3 or 4 hours per acute patient I would have needed in the past. It feels great. This next month (leading up to the finals) should see more of such results.. wish me luck and thank you for the prayers. 'Medical Students' - Image from Google Images

Today I spent the day watching NEJM's Dialogues In Medicine discussion panels. Afterall, they tell us that we should be working towards being good doctors this year - not studying to pass an exam. I've embedded a video of the cardiology panel below but you can also watch it (and other panels) at NEJM's website .

SUGAR COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just going to say this (and mum, if you're reading this, don't get all worried because I'm not about to do anything rash) but as much as I love medicine, and I really truly do, what if my love for medicine is only like what my love for economics was like? I loved it, but I loved medicine more. What if I love medicine, but I love something else more? I think I would love to go into philanthropy, social work, non-profits. Would I do it full time? I don't know - perhaps only from a position of strength because it is being effective in these fields that I enjoy. So would it happen anytime soon? Perhaps not. But one day.. one day that would be nice.

Sometimes you get a little trapped by success.. and as wonderful as it all is, as much as you wouldn't give it up or change it.. there's a little part of you that remembers when you were free... I remember the fantasy world my endless hours in front of the tube let me into. The endless possibilities, the sense of anything being possible. You stand on the brink of that world.. or you stand in reality, which is great, but imperfect. Somehow not exactly as you thought it would be.

This is the daily devotional for May 24, taken from The Doctor's Life Support 2 (ICMDA). O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1 When we first know God the relationship is intense, so intense that it is described as thirst. Real thirst, as in dehydration, is painful. Thirst for God comes from the depths of the soul. It is like the yearning lovers feel for each other when apart. There is an interesting Catalan word 'morena' (homesickness), which means 'little death'. One dies a little when one is away from one's love. It is so in our relationship with God. Thirst for God is not only intense and deep, it is also unselfish. It is centred on God himself and not on his blessings. The psalmist did not approach God to get things from him. Many approach God to get and get and get. The psalmist's thirst for God was motivated by love, and was

Been listening to a lot of music lately to take the edge off this season...

The options have started trickling in - my first offer has been from Singapore. I lived in Singapore for five or six years, back around 2000. For the most part I enjoyed my time there - there are some aspects I like very much, like the Botanical Gardens, the safety, the cleanliness, the dynamic charity/social welfare system, the access to most things I need in life. There are other aspects I do not really like, like the way most Singaporeans cannot see beyond what is pragmatic - people seem to only do things when they stand to gain from their actions. But I haven't lived in Singapore for maybe seven years now and I think it would be nice to be back there at least for a year to see if it has changed much. I am concerned about my ability to survive the 80 hour +++ work week though, and the pay is terrible compared to Australia's 38 hour week and twice the pay. So we will see. When I have more time I will try and figure out where I actually want to head in life and which count