Phileosophie

Watching Chris Nolan's 'The Odyssey' brought up many questions - as Nolan films tend to do. After watching the movie I brushed up on my Greek mythology and whilst initially I did so only to understand the world that Nolan had recreated, I could not help but reflect on the lessons I might take from it. 1. Intelligence is powerful - but humility keeps it from becoming self-defeating.  Odysseus survives because he is clever. He is not the strongest Greek king nor the most fearsome warrior—that reputation belongs more to heroes such as Achilles, while Agamemnon is the supreme commander of the Greek alliance. Instead, Odysseus' greatest strength is his intellect. He conceives the plan of the wooden horse that allows the Greeks to infiltrate Troy. He outwits the Cyclops—whether by calling himself "Nobody" in Homer's poem or, as emphasised in the film, by blinding the creature and escaping beneath the sheep. Yet having escaped, he cannot resist turning back to r...

Tonight I finally had a revelation that I had contemplated for a while but never fully comprehended . A part of me had always been hopeful that I would one day find myself in a relationship. 16, 24, 28, 32, 35, 36 and now 40. It never happened, but I never really gave up hope - never really believed that this would be my future. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I had always seen this state of singleness as being my present  but not my future . But tonight, sitting here in the aftermath of David Foxe - the man who ticked every box, and came at a time when I was finally settled back in Sydney - with no further plans to move. I had settled into my forever , given up that nomadic lifestyle that I had always previously blamed for my singleness, NOW  I was ready! And yet, and yet... despite finding the right man - a Christian ! - who was also attractive and smart, and kind, despite not having to rush this  relationship (I spent a year slowly getting to know him), despi...

Chapter 8 - Job’s friends are not very compassionate. They suggest that Job’s children died because they were sinners. They suggested that Job could end his suffering by seeking God more! We are often like Job’s friends. When our friends suffer, we try to explain it away, and justify it with sensible words. Often times, this is not very helpful. Or kind! Chapter 13:4 - you are worthless physicians, all of you! If only you would be altogether silent! Often it is better not to say too much when someone is suffering. Better perhaps just to be with them in their pain. Chapter 10:1 - I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.   When we go through difficult times, God allows us to complain to him - ever bitterly.   Chapter 12:5 - Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune as the fate of those whose feet are slipping. We tend to judge people who are going through misfortune. We tend to lack compassio...

I was spring cleaning and going through old diary entries, discarding old notebooks when I came across this scribbled on some note paper. This was one of my earlier ruminations, potentially from around 2020. I thought I would archive it here. I don't know why I entitled this entry as I did. ***** Archived ***** The Fish and the Loaves Be careful of what you ask for. This is something we hear from time to time, but I've not always heeded the warnings that come my way. Back in the day, as a child and teenager I had a pretty decent life. It was easy. My parents supplied my every need. I was doing so well at school that my goal was not to pass or get an A but to get 100%. I had no real illnesses, no tragic circumstance in life. So in a moment of boredom, a moment of wanting some spark or some fireworks in my life, I prayed, God, give me a story. A great testimony. A story to tell.  Sometimes I still wonder, would it have been better to have not prayed that prayer? Could I not have ...

v 13 - All your children will be taught by the Lord,  and great will be their peace. v 14 In righteousness you will be established:  Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. v 17 no weapon forged against you will prevail and you will refute every tongue that accuses you This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me." declares the Lord. It feels as though I am living in this promise now, though I don't think I specifically came across this promise back in 2019-2020 when I was living under tyranny and fear. Thank you Jesus for your promises.

Perhaps because I have not understood, and have cried out to God in frustration - explain Yourself! What do you mean by this verse? What do you want from me? He has taken to repeating himself endlessly.  I am the One True God. I am The Beginning and The End. You shall have no idols before me.  Everything has pointed to this one thing, and slowly slowly I am beginning to understand. Please keep speaking Oh Lord, for I am forgetful and may lose this message as easily as it has come. Please keep going for a little longer so it that might sink into my soul.

This is a great sermon and has taught me a fair bit about friendships. The below is an abbreviated transcript, because it has been worded so nicely I really couldn't say it any better than he has. You can't rush relational intimacy. It doesn't happen in a day. Sometimes in the eagerness, because we are so starved for actual people in our life, when anybody shows us any attention, we just come on so strong and lay it on so thick coz we're trying to Amazon Prime the relationship. But when it's just this tiny little thing, you just add tiny little twigs to it and a little bit of kindling to it. You can't get to the big logs right away. That little flame is not enough to take on that big log. So you need friendship kindling and that takes time. There are things in society today that have made it harder for us to develop friendships. There is an increased ease of movement. Where in the past, you would have lived and died in a similar location, these days, you can tak...

Our purpose in life is to praise the Lord and speak of His faithfulness (Isaiah 38: 18-19) so when we pray, do not pray for our own protection or for our own benefit, but pray in order that God may be glorified.  In Isaiah chapter 37, we see Hezekiah cry out to God to save Judah. But he doesn’t ask for Judah’s salvation. He asks that God may prove Sennacherib wrong so that the world will see that God is not like the wooden and stone gods of the other nations.  In Isaiah chapter 38, Hezekiah is given 15 more years of life, after an illness that was meant to kill him. But he doesn’t say that God has given him life for Hezekiah’s benefit. He says instead that he has been humbled by God - that he has been kept alive because if he was dead he would be unable to sing God’s praises. A dead Hezekiah would be unable to hope for God’s faithfulness or tell his children about the Lord’s faithfulness.  Why is God against those who are proud? Because humility allows you to see that all...

 What a beautiful thing. Isaiah is such a dense book, and at first glance, so difficult to read and to extract anything from, but chapter 28 speaks of the destruction that God is to bring upon Israel. It condemns Israel’s pride and reliance on itself. Isaiah sends a warning to Judah because of the alliance they have tried to make with Babylon (rather than trusting in God’s protection). Likewise, in modern times, we place our trust in things that we can see and control - our friends, marriages, jobs, finances. But all these things can fail.  Isaiah calls us to place our trust in God. He also reminds us, that even where there is destruction, God is working. He is breaking ground, so seeds can be planted and new life can spring forth. Spices are crushed to create a form that is more useful, more effective. Trial and tragedy prepare us for a new way.  As always, there is a hopeful end to the chapter. God’s plans are “wonderful” and his wisdom is “magnificent”. We can trust in...

This message has been very timely. I have been trying to reconcile these two things in my life: 1) The need to be content with God alone. The need to praise God in good times and bad (like Job). The need to seek God first, and not just so He gives me what I want. 2) The desire for companionship, marriage and family . On the one hand I felt that God would not place these desires on my heart if He did not plan to fulfil it - because God is a loving God and He does not do things just to be cruel or to mock (Ephesians 6:4). But on the other, I am 38 and have never been in what I would consider a proper relationship, and certainly have never been in one with a Christian. So at some points, finding it so difficult to reconcile the two, I questioned the very core of these beliefs - the existence of God himself. If these two things are inherent to what I believed of God, and these two things were irreconcilable, then did God actually exist? But God has been gracious enough, to lately provi...

In this season of life, I decided I should finally put some solid effort into understanding this verse that has come to me repeatedly - Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God (Matt 6:33). You would think that after all this time I would understand it, but I have often wondered what it should look like in day to day practice. The truth is, while inundated with my medical workload (over the past decade), I have found it difficult to have the emotional bandwidth to be as kind or as patient as I would have liked. I have felt very unlike the Lord Jesus Christ, essentially, like some failed version of a Christian. Hopefully this year, with more time on my hands, I will finally have time to tend to my spiritual life. I came across this sermon by Tim Keller. It is full of biblical wisdom, as usual.  1) God is always working 2) You will not be able to figure out, for a long time, what He's up to. 3) God works non-obviously, but God works 4) God's guidance is more something God does , than so...

Okay so life has been pretty sweet lately. I've returned to Sydney, this time for good, and I've set myself up with a sweet little gig that only requires me to work 2 days a week, but pays me pretty much the same as when I last worked 6 days a week. Admittedly, I'm now much more qualified than I was back then, but these are still wins in life that I am celebrating. As part of my resettlement, I was unpacking and going through boxes. I almost threw a bunch of old notebooks away, but noticed that they contained notes from 2019 which was arguably the worst year of my life. Some of the best things I have written, have come from intense wells of hurt. Anyway, I decided not to waste the pain and kept the notes. I might share them here one day.  What I have decided to share for today are my notes on this topic - "When God Says No." I'm not sure what these notes were based on, but I can only imagine that I had listened to a sermon of some sort, presumably online.  Whe...

I was thinking about relationships recently. There's a guy in England, who I think is keen on me. He doesn't know I'm leaving, and I don't know how to tell him. He's fighting his own battles.. trying to decide how much time he can give another person, and I don't know how much I want him to decide to choose me. Because I'm leaving. And choosing me might mean heartbreak. It might require too much from him, too soon. He's a really nice guy.. so I wish I could want to 'win' this situation more. But I don't know. Winning would be hard.   

This comes from a great video I watched recently. It is linked below and I found it very insightful.  There are Four Basic Negative Emotions in all people.  - Anger (amygdala) - Disgust (insula) --> something that will hurt you. telling you that you should avoid it. It is biologically directed towards pathogens, but politicians use this to control people. Eg Wuhan virus, or republicans vs democrats - Sadness (dorsal anterior singular cortex) --> stems from losing something or someone you love - Fear (amygdala) Negative does not mean bad. It means these are the things that signal threat to us, from the outside world. Contempt is a combination of two negative emotions - Anger and Disgust When you express contempt / disgust, it is interpreted by the brain of your partner as "you think I'm a pathogen, and I need to be cast out". Even if you dont mean it. So dont roll your eyes, dont be sarcastic. When you are feeling that coldness that comes with Contempt, that is when ...

"You don't want your daughter to be like me." I said to my colleague one day. He peered over and replied "Not like you? You're a successful interventional cardiologist." I am indeed, but it has been difficult to exist in this vortex of a world. I feel as though I have climbed to the top of a mountain of skulls and bones. The road has left me weary. I have been running too long and I cannot breathe.  When I look behind me, I see broken dreams and brittle relationships. Is that a mirage? I am unable to lose the criticism, insinuations and bullying. Does anybody see this? My world is a battlefield, and I am not sure if I want to be here.  I lay in my bed, trying to find peace in the confusion of how I could be so right and yet also so wrong. In the workplace, I have to be assertive, confident, logical, and fundamentally masculine. In life, I must be warm, patient, nurturing and compassionate.  It is hard enough to embody one side or the other - but to strive t...

 2022. What a year it has been.  Martin's son got cancer, and thankfully, recovered from it. I moved back to Sydney and started working at RPAH where I had always wanted to work. It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be... but it hasn't been bad at all. I finally attended my convocation, a symbol of attaining the FRACP. I thought I would stay in Sydney, but then I got offered interventional cardiology. Again - finally. The work I had always wanted to do. So in a way 2022, has seen me gain every career goal I have had. The truth is, Martin had a lot to do with all of that. He gained me entry to RPAH and entry into intervention. He means a lot to me and I will remember this.  My personal life remains in flux. I went on so many dates. Of all the years I've had as an adult, this would have been the year to meet someone. I had no on-calls. I finally had some security with my homes and my money. But every connection seems to have fallen through. Federico turns out to be a...

 I don’t have a Pinterest board so this will have to do. I love this outdoor space of a typical Queenslander. Large, and well used outdoor space.

Seek Ye First The Kingdom of God. It came up time and time again. In all my prayers, the only answer I received was Seek Ye First... At first I tried to ignore it. It seemed like such a generic response. It didn't really tell me what to do, and it didn't answer my questions. But then eventually it seemed like it would be the only answer I would receive.  Matthew 6:33. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.  What was God trying to say? I spoke to Caitie, the creative pastor at a church I used to visit. Read Matthew 5,6 and 7 she said.  Matthew 5: The Sermon on the Mount 3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,  for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn,  for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek ,  for they will inherit the earth. a 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness ,  for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful ,  for t...

 God did not author your confusion but he can certainly use it. And it is only when you've been through the confusion, and been through the wilderness, can you really say, the Lord is my Shepherd.

I used to feel that I needed people to believe the truth as I saw it. Of late I have started to learn that it is unnecessary. It is not easy, and in fact sometimes impossible to change a man’s mind when he has set his heart on something. That is why we rarely have Democrats who become Republicans and Republicans who become Democrats. There is not always logic to a person’s beliefs, and often times it boils down to blind faith. In the workplace, I frequently tell myself that my job is to present the facts to my patients as I understand it. But if they were to choose to ignore my professional opinion then, as long as they are informed, they are also free to make bad choices (or choices that I simply don’t agree with myself).  It is time that I took that advice when it comes to my friends. It is okay to be friends with someone who does not think the way that you do and has opinions that differ from yours. Perhaps we might need to be careful about the amount of time we spend with these...