David Foxe

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Tonight I finally had a revelation that I had contemplated for a while but never fully comprehended. A part of me had always been hopeful that I would one day find myself in a relationship. 16, 24, 28, 32, 35, 36 and now 40. It never happened, but I never really gave up hope - never really believed that this would be my future. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I had always seen this state of singleness as being my present but not my future.

But tonight, sitting here in the aftermath of David Foxe - the man who ticked every box, and came at a time when I was finally settled back in Sydney - with no further plans to move. I had settled into my forever, given up that nomadic lifestyle that I had always previously blamed for my singleness, NOW I was ready!

And yet, and yet... despite finding the right man - a Christian ! - who was also attractive and smart, and kind, despite not having to rush this relationship (I spent a year slowly getting to know him), despite it all, despite all that, it has again failed. Alas, it has fallen on its face and come to nought. So here I sit, alone. Right time, Right man, but no relationship. 

For the first time in my life, I have come to realise, to taste, that this may well be my forever. And perhaps, it is okay. I must come to terms with this, which is simply a part of that imperfection that life comes with. For if we have all that we long for in this life, what else would we have to look forward to in the next? If we should be wholly content, then we would not look forward to heaven. 

So here it is Lord, the beginnings of my contemplation, my acceptance of loneliness as my lot. My cross to bear. My limp. So I am reminded that there is more to look forward to. 

Romans 8 

v 18 -  I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

v 24 - But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?

v 26 - In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us, through wordless groans.

v 27 - And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God. 

v 28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

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