Phileosophie

Tonight I finally had a revelation that I had contemplated for a while but never fully comprehended . A part of me had always been hopeful that I would one day find myself in a relationship. 16, 24, 28, 32, 35, 36 and now 40. It never happened, but I never really gave up hope - never really believed that this would be my future. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I had always seen this state of singleness as being my present  but not my future . But tonight, sitting here in the aftermath of David Foxe - the man who ticked every box, and came at a time when I was finally settled back in Sydney - with no further plans to move. I had settled into my forever , given up that nomadic lifestyle that I had always previously blamed for my singleness, NOW  I was ready! And yet, and yet... despite finding the right man - a Christian ! - who was also attractive and smart, and kind, despite not having to rush this  relationship (I spent a year slowly getting to know him), despi...

Chapter 8 - Job’s friends are not very compassionate. They suggest that Job’s children died because they were sinners. They suggested that Job could end his suffering by seeking God more! We are often like Job’s friends. When our friends suffer, we try to explain it away, and justify it with sensible words. Often times, this is not very helpful. Or kind! Chapter 13:4 - you are worthless physicians, all of you! If only you would be altogether silent! Often it is better not to say too much when someone is suffering. Better perhaps just to be with them in their pain. Chapter 10:1 - I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.   When we go through difficult times, God allows us to complain to him - ever bitterly.   Chapter 12:5 - Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune as the fate of those whose feet are slipping. We tend to judge people who are going through misfortune. We tend to lack compassio...

I was spring cleaning and going through old diary entries, discarding old notebooks when I came across this scribbled on some note paper. This was one of my earlier ruminations, potentially from around 2020. I thought I would archive it here. I don't know why I entitled this entry as I did. ***** Archived ***** The Fish and the Loaves Be careful of what you ask for. This is something we hear from time to time, but I've not always heeded the warnings that come my way. Back in the day, as a child and teenager I had a pretty decent life. It was easy. My parents supplied my every need. I was doing so well at school that my goal was not to pass or get an A but to get 100%. I had no real illnesses, no tragic circumstance in life. So in a moment of boredom, a moment of wanting some spark or some fireworks in my life, I prayed, God, give me a story. A great testimony. A story to tell.  Sometimes I still wonder, would it have been better to have not prayed that prayer? Could I not have ...

v 13 - All your children will be taught by the Lord,  and great will be their peace. v 14 In righteousness you will be established:  Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. v 17 no weapon forged against you will prevail and you will refute every tongue that accuses you This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me." declares the Lord. It feels as though I am living in this promise now, though I don't think I specifically came across this promise back in 2019-2020 when I was living under tyranny and fear. Thank you Jesus for your promises.

Perhaps because I have not understood, and have cried out to God in frustration - explain Yourself! What do you mean by this verse? What do you want from me? He has taken to repeating himself endlessly.  I am the One True God. I am The Beginning and The End. You shall have no idols before me.  Everything has pointed to this one thing, and slowly slowly I am beginning to understand. Please keep speaking Oh Lord, for I am forgetful and may lose this message as easily as it has come. Please keep going for a little longer so it that might sink into my soul.

This is a great sermon and has taught me a fair bit about friendships. The below is an abbreviated transcript, because it has been worded so nicely I really couldn't say it any better than he has. You can't rush relational intimacy. It doesn't happen in a day. Sometimes in the eagerness, because we are so starved for actual people in our life, when anybody shows us any attention, we just come on so strong and lay it on so thick coz we're trying to Amazon Prime the relationship. But when it's just this tiny little thing, you just add tiny little twigs to it and a little bit of kindling to it. You can't get to the big logs right away. That little flame is not enough to take on that big log. So you need friendship kindling and that takes time. There are things in society today that have made it harder for us to develop friendships. There is an increased ease of movement. Where in the past, you would have lived and died in a similar location, these days, you can tak...