Coz I'm leavin.. on a jet plane.

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This.

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"You don't want your daughter to be like me." I said to my colleague one day. He peered over and replied "Not like you? You're a successful interventional cardiologist." I am indeed, but it has been difficult to exist in this vortex of a world. I feel as though I have climbed to the top of a mountain of skulls and bones. The road has left me weary. I have been running too long and I cannot breathe.  When I look behind me, I see broken dreams and brittle relationships. Is that a mirage? I am unable to lose the criticism, insinuations and bullying. Does anybody see this? My world is a battlefield, and I am not sure if I want to be here.  I lay in my bed, trying to find peace in the confusion of how I could be so right and yet also so wrong. In the workplace, I have to be assertive, confident, logical, and fundamentally masculine. In life, I must be warm, patient, nurturing and compassionate.  It is hard enough to embody one side or the other - but to strive t...
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The real reason relationships fail

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This comes from a great video I watched recently. It is linked below and I found it very insightful.  There are Four Basic Negative Emotions in all people.  - Anger (amygdala) - Disgust (insula) --> something that will hurt you. telling you that you should avoid it. It is biologically directed towards pathogens, but politicians use this to control people. Eg Wuhan virus, or republicans vs democrats - Sadness (dorsal anterior singular cortex) --> stems from losing something or someone you love - Fear (amygdala) Negative does not mean bad. It means these are the things that signal threat to us, from the outside world. Contempt is a combination of two negative emotions - Anger and Disgust When you express contempt / disgust, it is interpreted by the brain of your partner as "you think I'm a pathogen, and I need to be cast out". Even if you dont mean it. So dont roll your eyes, dont be sarcastic. When you are feeling that coldness that comes with Contempt, that is when ...
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When God Says No

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Okay so life has been pretty sweet lately. I've returned to Sydney, this time for good, and I've set myself up with a sweet little gig that only requires me to work 2 days a week, but pays me pretty much the same as when I last worked 6 days a week. Admittedly, I'm now much more qualified than I was back then, but these are still wins in life that I am celebrating. As part of my resettlement, I was unpacking and going through boxes. I almost threw a bunch of old notebooks away, but noticed that they contained notes from 2019 which was arguably the worst year of my life. Some of the best things I have written, have come from intense wells of hurt. Anyway, I decided not to waste the pain and kept the notes. I might share them here one day.  What I have decided to share for today are my notes on this topic - "When God Says No." I'm not sure what these notes were based on, but I can only imagine that I had listened to a sermon of some sort, presumably online.  Whe...
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