Friday, January 11, 2013

Thoughts on the move to Tasmania

This is usually what you see when you look out of the
windows in Launceston.
This is my 6th day in Tasmania and I've sort of settled in well. The first night was tough, having had close to no control over the circumstances through which I ended up here. But the hospital administrative and clinical staff have been incredibly nice and supportive, much more so than in Sydney so I am beginning to have more optimism about this year.

I think the hardest thing about coming here has been leaving all my friends behind in Sydney. Despite the many times I've tried to convince myself that even if I were in Sydney we wouldn't be seeing that much of each other anyway, it still doesn't really feel the same - being unable to just call up Sarah to see if she'd like to meet for a meal the next day, or receiving random texts from Candice when she happens to be close to POWH.

It's been less than a week here and already one Canadian girl has dropped out of the program to return to her boyfriend in Wollongong. Apparently a few Canadians are planning to do the same and I feel it is unfair that people like them (who intend to pull out half way through the year) have been given jobs over people like myself, and most of the undergraduate cohort who intend to make Australia our home. Nonetheless I suppose it does leave me some hope that there will be places to be filled in the coming year, when I hopefully, return to Sydney.

Another thing I have learnt in this past week, is that people are entitled to their sadness, and to their grief. Throughout the week, and even before we left, Eileen has been on my back about 'getting over' the fact that I am no longer in Sydney. There is an American girl here who seems to be in the 'Anger' phase of DABDA (stages of grief) and she essentially told me rather brusquely to 'Let it go' and 'Move on' yesterday when I mentioned that I hadn't withdrawn from the NSW allocation process.

I think I should be allowed to deal with my grief whichever way suits me best. I haven't even been given a week to deal with this move and already people are trying to force me to move on. The thing that has helped the most has been Zubair's texts through the first few days, and being able to talk to him at night as I always did in Sydney. And Candice's phonecall for an hour. It was nice to hear from Kaivan too one night. And Eileen bringing me dinner, though a gesture I'm not used too, was also nice because at least it felt like someone cared.

I think the hardest thing about leaving, is really the fear of being forgotten. Of being excluded from a friendship group that I have developed over the years. Because ultimately I know that even while in Sydney I did not have much time to meet friends. But it's been better, made easier by their reassurances that they're still there.. and that it won't really be that different. I hope what they are saying is true, and not simply reassurances. It's hard to really trust anyone after being thrown around by the Australian health system for the past few years but I can only hope for the best, and I suppose, at some point, move on.

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