BurnOut?
Sometimes I wonder if I am a little burnt out. Being six weeks from my final exams, this could mean nothing - it could simply be a reaction to the lack of much else in my life right now, or it could be something more. I am not feeling anything dramatic at the moment, definitely not feeling overly tired nor jaded by my work. Perhaps I could describe it more as the lack of definite goals beyond my final exams. The lack of pursuit, the lack of that fiery passion I normally feel when it comes to my life.
About the future... I do not see a huge amount of value in simply going through life - graduating, starting my internship, toiling this life away. I do not see value in going down the same path everyone else goes down because that path generally just leads to death. It all seems rather meaningless. I do not know what is coming next and I am not worried, but I am... somewhat empty.
Yesterday I watched Masterchef All Stars on TV and noticed that Poh (a pretty Malaysian-Chinese-Australian) contestant was in fact 38 and another competitor who I would not have considered 'old' was only 5 years from the big 5-0.
50 is old. 50 is closer to death than it is to birth. And that kinda scares me. My eminent end scares me, even though at 26 I actually feel like I have achieved everything I have wanted to achieve in my life. The meaninglessness of life scares me. I would like to think there is more.
About the future... I do not see a huge amount of value in simply going through life - graduating, starting my internship, toiling this life away. I do not see value in going down the same path everyone else goes down because that path generally just leads to death. It all seems rather meaningless. I do not know what is coming next and I am not worried, but I am... somewhat empty.
Yesterday I watched Masterchef All Stars on TV and noticed that Poh (a pretty Malaysian-Chinese-Australian) contestant was in fact 38 and another competitor who I would not have considered 'old' was only 5 years from the big 5-0.
50 is old. 50 is closer to death than it is to birth. And that kinda scares me. My eminent end scares me, even though at 26 I actually feel like I have achieved everything I have wanted to achieve in my life. The meaninglessness of life scares me. I would like to think there is more.
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