Phileosophie

Here's my little Easter story - I felt sorry for the homeless (drunk?) man. Wanted to buy him a meal but a pastor there said "no. God will take care of him. Don't need to save the world. one day We'll have to answer for that not you. Now do you want to go back in (to the service).." In a tone that suggested that I could do it his way, or the highway. #whateastermessage #breakmyheartforwhatbreaksyour s? #repaycompassionwithsarcasm&sc orn

It's been 2 months and 10 days since I first moved to Tasmania for work. I am still in a quandary about being here. The longest I have had doubts about anywhere. I can't sleep, I have nightmares regularly about being betrayed by people I trust, I lie in bed for hours in the morning so I don't have to get up and face the day. And yet, it hasn't been all bad. Perhaps it is just that part of me that needs to deal with being here, but I've had some good times. Experiences that I wonder why I do not enjoy more. I've made a good friend in Carli, and we've had the kind of hang outs that I've wanted to have for a very long time. We get to watch movies with cheezles and tea. We get to go on hikes and watch swans and possums in their natural habitat and people on jet skis on the river bend. Work is okay - they haven't quite worked me to the bone, and they've probably been nicer to me that staff at NSW hospitals would have been. I'm getting to spend tim...

It's hard not knowing who you can trust. It's hard not having someone who'll be there for you. Who you can be yourself with, without fear of judgement or repercusion. Who will look out for you, as you would them. Who will laugh with you, and sit with you when you cry. It's hard not having all of those things. Especially not in a small town like this one. I should get out of here soon.

Henry Frederick Harlow was an American psychologist who taught us about baby monkeys in a cage - the babies who were allowed to be raised by their protective mothers grew up with a normal temperament, while those who were reared in isolation chambers emerged severely disturbed, reclusive, with definite social deficits. These studies led to the understanding that mothers provide much more than food to an infant. She provides a unique bond that positively influences the child's development and mental health. She provides love.

I haven't spoken with Dr Fuster for ages and I really do miss him. I think I will get in touch soon.

Had a sense of disappointment today. Disappointment at how life has turned out. I don't really know how to explain it because from the outside there's nothing to really justify how I feel. Anyway, I hope the weekend will be okay... good even. May your peace rest upon me May your hand be with me May your strength go before me May your wisdom guide me.

I heard that some of the other local interns were bitching about 'Sydney interns' today. I had no words to respond because I know without a doubt that I have done nothing wrong in this particular instance. I simply love medicine, I love research, I love cardiology to no end. But there is tall poppy syndrome here in Australia, and we've entered (intruded almost) on a very tightly knitted group of interns. People do not like it when others come out 'on top'... not that I feel particularly victorious since I was never in competition with them - I was simply living my life, doing my thing. I can't help being in love with medicine. "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16