Reflections

I get these moments when I feel too melancholic. I know I should be comfortable with who I am but often times who I am, feels empty. It is not that I have nothing in my life - with friends, medicine, television and all my travels I think life has been pretty full on for me. But there is something lifeless, almost sparkless about so many of my days. Perhaps it is what life tends to be like for most of us but I keep feeling like there is something wrong with me. I don't understand why I can't have more of a spring in my step, why I can't be more bubbly in social situations. I wish I were different - I wish I were more naturally a people person but I have never been such and perhaps I may never be. I need to know that it's okay to be me. I need to know that people aren't just telling me that because that's what you tell people. I need to know that I am not as much of a loser as I often feel. I don't even know why I feel this way about myself. I don't know why I beat myself up. I don't know so many things about myself and it just bothers me. It just bothers me.