Phileosophie

What do you do when you feel like you've been wronged? When the people who have wronged you are the government? When there is probably nothing you would ever be able to do to exact your revenge? I suppose you let it go. As unfair as it is. You let it go. I suppose we have done a lot of this to God, and He's let it go. So I suppose we should just pass on the favor.

God, you've got to come through for me. You know there's no one else. The people who care do not have big enough dreams, do not see what I see. I'm getting suffocated from all sides, and cut off financially. Everyone considers their hands to be clean Lord, but you know, it's because no one cared to do anything that there are people on the streets. I am not on the streets, but you know that you're the only one now who can come through for me. So come through. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

It is over.

I get these moments when I feel too melancholic. I know I should be comfortable with who I am but often times who I am, feels empty. It is not that I have nothing in my life - with friends, medicine, television and all my travels I think life has been pretty full on for me. But there is something lifeless, almost sparkless about so many of my days. Perhaps it is what life tends to be like for most of us but I keep feeling like there is something wrong with me. I don't understand why I can't have more of a spring in my step, why I can't be more bubbly in social situations. I wish I were different - I wish I were more naturally a people person but I have never been such and perhaps I may never be. I need to know that it's okay to be me. I need to know that people aren't just telling me that because that's what you tell people. I need to know that I am not as much of a loser as I often feel. I don't even know why I feel this way about myself. I don't know w

Cancelling on dinner 30 mins before a scheduled event is just bad form. It's okay if you were uncertain from the start (and conveyed this to your host) but no matter how informal an event, cancelling the day of or worse yet 30 minutes before is just really poor form.

Old school christian music. My friend Paul got a place at W Hospital today. I'm really happy for him.. it's been a trying period and every position that your friends can get for internship is a blessing. I don't know how I am feeling any more but I'm trying not to think so much about the situation. I've always prayed that God will alter my reality according to His best plans. I know that I will not necessarily have the wisdom to choose that path myself. But today I wondered if not getting a job might end up being part of that plan and it's scary. It's scary being pushed into the unknown even though I know that He is there and that He will guide my path. Please keep me in prayer.

In these moments sometimes my faith wavers, and I doubt that my plans will coincide with His plans. I pray for the heart the live the life I have been given, and for the vision to see what He sees. I think that my faith is being tested, and I wonder when it will end. I ask for hope, and happiness and peace. And then I remember that the best thing I can do, and the only thing that I should do, is to be thankful. for everything He has already given me, and for all that I know He will. So I will praise him. And I will thank him, because even as He is faithful, I will be faithful too. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Psalm 107:1 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Colossians 3:15-17 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to whch indeed

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (©1984) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Lord, help me to live like there is a future.

Nice song by Arden Cho. Feeling a little melancholic today. Gradball's happenin tomorrow evening and I'm looking forward to it. These days I'm trying to savor every moment. It's bitter sweet, getting to know your friends better but knowing at the back of your mind that this is all soon to end. People part ways all the time, and many years later I know that it will be okay. That I would have moved on, and at some point, would have found new friends. But even as I remember the times in Singapore, I know I will look back to Sydney, and remember these times and these people.