Phileosophie

On the drive home today, I listened to No Other Name by Hillsong's worship band. These days I find that I need to meditate on the lyrics of those songs for courage, strength, refuge and solace. I find that I cannot escape the pressures of my world. I cannot escape the fact that I don't always find my work interesting or that I have to deal with difficult housemates, friends and occassionally relatives. Having to put up with not knowing where I will be in the coming year, or if I would have a job at all, is also tough. I felt tired and somewhat disappointed with what I saw as my struggles. As I continued to allow the songs to minister to me, I reflected on the song-writers at Hillsong church. Many of them have shared about their personal struggles over the years. Darlene has just gone through radio- and chemotherapy to treat breast cancer. Joel spoke of going through depression. Michael Guglielmucci who wrote "Healer", lied about having cancer to cover up an addic...

One day I hope it will be said of me that I had a "scientific curiosity and a persistent desire and ability to make progress by creating change, by discovering the unknown, by improving the known and by inventing what [she] thought would be useful".

It's been a really crazy week. I've just made my first property investment - a little two bedder in a lovely part of town. The location is marvellous - it is near to an amazing park and to a university and multiple city hospitals. I almost didn't get it - the vendors tried to bring up the price on me at the last minute but I thank God for grace and for the wisdom not to cave. I would have walked away, and I got the apartment in the end. So what can I say about 2014 - half a year has passed and it has been lovely being back in NSW but there have been some difficulties. I am getting increasingly bored and tired with my work - I've heard though that this is the case with the resident year - we are neither registrars, nor interns, so the learning curve isn't quite as steep and our medical lives aren't quite as interesting. I'm excited about starting physicians training next year and about that phase of my life. If it doesn't pan out however, and I will k...

Sometimes people talk about the desire that God places in your heart for what is good, or what is His will for your life. The greatest desire in my heart right now is to go to Palo Alto (New York being second place at this point). My heart's desire is to go on an adventure, and do something meaningful like join Mercy Ships or embark on some self seeking journey. But I am afraid of letting go of all I have in Sydney, and at the same time, I am fearful that if I do not let go I will be pretty old by the time I finally figure out and find that which is my heart's true desire and maybe by then it would be too late for me to truly reap the rewards. It's good that I've ended up on the Central Coast this year. It is close enough to Sydney to allow semi-frequent trips to a city that inspires me more than Launceston but at the same time is remote enough to allow me remain at a slower pace which in turn allows me to think a bit more and focus on things like relationships and di...

I love Hollywood and American pop culture and New York because for all their demons they give you an easy reason to live each day and to reach for something grander. They sell hopes and dreams, packaged so convincingly that you buy it over and over again. Almost everytime I feel down, something from Hollywood brings me back and lifts my soul higher. False hopes, maybe, but sometimes it is all you need. Superficial things.

It is so difficult to 'compete' with extraverted people in a world that is so biased towards extraversion. I suppose I could come up with all these theories about how this problem is due to the fact that those evil extraverted folk would obviously be more inclined to force their extraverted ways upon the rest of us and make us feel inferior if we are not like them. I've been having a difficult time this term because my co-intern M is a very outspoken American girl who will fight a battle to its bloody end (even when she is in the wrong) and because I really haven't got the energy, nor desire to do so, I generally throw the towel in and let her win. But it becomes a more practical problem for me when we start to get compared by our registrars because then it starts to impact on my end of term evaluation and the thing is, I'm not saying either of us is better (I truly dont believe that is the case though M probably does) but I think no matter how much work I do, the n...

There are still days when I am grumpy. In fact, it isn't that rare. But there are also more of those days when I am able to remain calm and gracious despite being loaded with more than I can handle. In a way, I guess it is a function of being more comfortable with my role as a doctor, but I hope it is also a sign of growth. Of learning patience and learning when things don't matter. I pray that I will be slow (and then slower!) to anger. I pray that it will be easier to forgive. I pray that there will come a day when I just wouldn't take things personally, and a day when I find myself slowing down , always, to make each moment, with each person count. Being a doctor has given me countless opportunities to learn to relate to other people. To attempt to find something interesting in a person I have no interest in.