Phileosophie

Over the past week I have been on a soul searching journey that has brought me back to the interiors of Borneo (where amazingly there is Wifi). It has been a hectic couple of years and for the most part I have been left feeling lost and uncertain about where I was in life and literally, because despite having a great job in medicine I pretty much have to go where the job takes me. I felt this struggle between fighting for my job, for a good position, in a good program, and keeping what I felt were altruistic intentions about medicine. I struggled with that feeling that life had been quite unfair given how disadvantaged I have been as a result of factors beyond my control (ie. the country of my birth). I felt the pressures of having to do well lest I fail to secure a job n the coming year and risk being sent back to the developing world that I have worked so hard to leave. I gave up a lot of time to do research, half the time convincing myself that I really enjoyed it, and that I was ...

I found this article interesting!  From: http://www.novitatherapeutics.com/blog/werner-forssmann-urologist-nobel-prize-cardiology  I've copied it here in case it gets deleted on the other site one day.  Over the last several years I have become interested in learning where important ideas come from. This interest includes both relatively new ideas, such as ablating sympathetic nerves around the kidney in patients with high blood pressure using a catheter placed in the renal artery, and older ones such as the idea for catheterization itself. Last week I learned about Werner Forssman, who performed the first catheterization of the heart. I would like to share an excerpt from Dr. Forssman’s biography at Angioplasty.org: "In 1929 in a small hospital in Eberswald Germany Werner Forssmann, a young surgical resident, anesthetized his own elbow, inserted a catheter in his antecubital vein and, catheter dangling from his arm, proceeded to a basement x-ray room where he ...

I've just started as the cardiology intern at my hospital and I love it. This week we do not have a registrar due to a lack of staff but it has given me the opportunity to step up and take on some tasks that I won't otherwise have had to do. Some times I feel really stretched and sometimes I get frustrated because I cannot remember what the advanced trainee wants me to do (because a lot of it isn't intuitive yet). But an hour or two out of thr work place and I look back thinking that in those hard moments I've grown. I've inched forward in my understanding of this field that I love so much. I've become a marginally better doctor. And looking back, I love every moment of it. The painful ones, the awkward ones, the extra questions, the nurses that won't leave you alone. Because through all of that I've learnt more, I've grown and I've stepped closer to my future in cardiology.

I was reading an article in Forbes today on the world's most influential women and was somewhat struck by the realisation that I float in some of these circles, loosely but in general only by one degree of separation. I have never understood why I have been allowed to meet these people and to get to know them on a personal level. I don't know if anything is meant to come of it, or if perhaps there are just so many of them that all of us know someone or other. But sometimes I can't help but wonder, what the hell. How is it that little old me knows some of the most powerful and some of the richest in the world? I am a nobody. I feel like a nobody. And yet somehow, I've made it to the edges of all this. What??

My friend was just telling me that every night he writes a short 1 page story for a friend of his and the friend writes a short page back. I thought it was an interesting concept that at least will take me away from work a little so I might try it too (and post them here!). I think initially they will just be drips and draps but hopefully in time my writing might as a whole improve and maybe the short stories might become more interesting! Let's see how this goes.

It's been about 3 years since the internship situation started. My life is settling back into a cheerful rhythm and I've recently worked some things out that have been dragging on for a while. I guess at this point what I really want to say is: God, Thank you for staying around when I was bitter Thank you for being there when I was feeling sorry for myself Thank you for not making me feel sorry when I challenged you to perform miracles Thank you for allowing me to grow, even if just a little Please give me eyes to see things fresh and new Give me a heart that is filled with peace Give me the wisdom to work through the tangles Guide my attention to what really matters Help me to see others as you see them Help me reflect something of your love for humanity Give me perserverance to walk the path I have before me Let me find rest and joy in your presence. And now, here's a little clip by Victor King and Andrew Garcia . Good men.  

I would so much rather be working the day shift this week. Three of my favourite medical students are on the ward during the day. Instead, I am stuck doing nights with someone who has been making it a point to make my life a little nastier whenever he sees me. I'm not talking about my own reg, just someone I have the misfortune of having to refer patients to. We did a term together some time back. It was all going swimmingly. In fact, I'd noticed that he was texting me at odd times, like when I was on holiday to ask if I was having fun or to say hello and stuff. He was always also inviting me out for dinner which I didn't put too much thought into because he has a long term girlfriend back in his country of origin. But on the last day of my term, something really strange happened. He started yelling at me and threatening me, saying that I had pointed at his face and thereby (going by his culture) had cursed his parents. Another registrar was in the room, an Aussie bloke...